What shines and sparkles in the sun is not always new. Sometimes it's worn, tried and true.
Updated: Sep 26, 2021
First, I guess a hello is in order so, "Hello". I have always wanted to blog, but never really thought that I had the life experience or the had courage necessary to just put myself out there and say (write) things. Wellp, today I am doing it, because today is as good of a day as any,
Let me introduce myself by telling a little about me. I am 45 and live in Oregon. I have a husband and 2 spoiled dogs. I cook a nightly dinner (most nights), maintain a clean house and work about 60 hours a week. I was an expert at keeping up the façade of a perfect life. Great, right? Not quite.
Living through the same routine takes a toll on a person when you do not feel like you accomplished anything in life. I felt unappreciated and bitter about my career, my health, my relationships and above all what I looked like physically. I was tired and could not let myself cling to the hope of anything better. I had come to believe that my illusions or delusions of a happy, stress-free life were useless fantasies and that being free from a corporate life was not in the cards.
Falling into feeling depressed, stressed and suppressed is an easy rut to fall into and becomes a familiar and comfortable place to be. I mechanically lived day by day until one day, as I was stuffing my face with some sort of junk food, I found myself standing on the scale horrified at the number. No, you did not read that wrong, I was standing on the scale while eating junk food, and crying about what I was reading at my feet. It was a ridiculous moment, and I knew it, I was embarrassed and very aware that I was at a new low. Self awareness has a wonderful way of smacking you in the face when you are being self indulgent and you can choose to ignore it and keep wallowing or stare it in the face and do something about it. That day, I set my mind to do something about it. I went slow by putting 1 toe in the water, to see if if it was cool and refreshing like I hoped or if it was actually acid that would consume my whole foot, then eventually all of me (yes I can be very dramatic).
With that one step, I immediately wanted to retreat. On the outside, the air was light and way too foreign. I mean, really, why was I complaining anyway? I had a great job, a great family, a supportive husband, I was fine, I had everything I wanted, so what if I was overweight and tired all of the time, I just need to stop overeating, take a walk once in a while and stop working so much. Thankfully, I cam to the realization that I was bargaining and never going to feel better with that frame of mind, so I decided to cut the B.S. and put my whole self out there; you can guess the rest.
It has taken me a lot of years to realize my self-worth, but I am stronger than I thought. I am closer to where I want to be as long as I continue to learn and keep an open mind. I am determined to try my best to be healthy in mind, body and spirit. I have no delusions of it being easy, I totally anticipate bumps in the road as I figure this whole "healthy living" thing out for myself, but I move forward one step at a time learning my own healthy way to LIFE.
Thanks for reading,